The Effect Of Trauma On Your Relationships

Continued from yesterday…

Not only does your meta-cognitive mind evaluate the person you are with, it also takes into consideration who you believe yourself to be. Your past experiences, including traumas, and the knowledge you have gained have been scrambled together to form a non-conscious narrative about your sense of self.

So, for example, a young woman might be looking for a guy to date. But her father or past boyfriend was verbally or physically abusive toward her. Those experiences have been lodged into her unconscious mind and shaped her perception of her worth and value.

The woman may be attracted to a healer type that she unconsciously believes will fix her. Or she may be attracted to bad and abusive guys because it somehow feels right. The young woman doesn’t consciously know why, but somehow the inner unconscious story about herself believes it’s what she deserves, or how she will be loved.

Of course, these hidden inner narratives about who we are come in different forms, and are shaped by various factors. The ego needs to feel unique and superior, and therefore takes what we learn and experience and interprets its meaning and significance.

Eventually these stories of heroism, victimization, guilt, and so on form an unconscious narrative about who we are. This guides our behaviors, actions, and beliefs, and ultimately impacts how we relate to one another.

Continued tomorrow…

Adapted from Section 3 of Awakening To I Am Love by David Youngren