Self-Inflicted Punishment

Continued from yesterday…

Every infraction, every misdeed, and every failure has its own unique sentence. If we get fired from our job, and the list of excuses runs out, we turn the finger on ourselves. We are guilty, and now the shame of not being enough the way we are demands some form of punishment.

Whether it is depression, sickness, poverty, or even divorce, our subconscious knows how to inflict the type of punishment we believe we deserve. Eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil has become our way of life.

I shared earlier about the cluster headaches that I suffered when I first moved to California. Looking back, I recognize the guilt I felt. I had failed and felt unworthy. Unable to hide behind my success, I subconsciously sent myself to the hell of excruciating cluster headaches. The pain was my subconscious self-inflicted punishment, and its purpose was to alleviate the guilt. I needed to feel that I had paid for my sins, which would help me be free. At least, that was the reasoning of the ego deep in my subconscious.

By now you may wonder, “What good is it to know what’s wrong in our life if this egoic mindset is so pervasive and destructive? Why even bring it up if there’s no credible path out of our suffering?”

The reason is quite simple: the return to divine love for most of us begins in moments of darkness. By observing the darkness within you and actually accepting it for what it is, you allow the ego to loosen its control, and you surrender to the light of grace. The point, therefore, is to expose the darkness, because it is only then that your heart is more likely to be receptive to the light of love.

To be continued tomorrow…

Adapted from Section 2 of Awakening To I Am Love by David Youngren